


A Very Sanders Group Chat

by snowezrogers



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Beaches, Cancer, Chatting & Messaging, Day At The Beach, Leukemia, Sick Character, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Teen Pregnancy, Touch-Starved, Trans Male Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:02:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25043575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowezrogers/pseuds/snowezrogers
Summary: The sides create a group chat. It's as chaotic as you'd expect.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/October | Toby Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Dr. Emile Picani, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Prince | Pryce Sanders/Anxiety | Andy Sanders
Comments: 21
Kudos: 114





	1. The Creation of Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman makes a group chat. Hell begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > This chapter is pre-SvS by the way.

**Roman started the group chat**

**Roman added six new members to the chat**

**Roman changed the chat name to Mind Escape**

**4:28PM**

spipples: What am I doing here?

Roman: Existing, you fair dark knight!

spipples: Not what I meant but fine.

Logan: This group chat is lit.

Roman: Aaaaaand he ruined it.

SnekBoi: Hey, Inny, check it.

Octopussy: oooh, new shiny chat. time to ruin it.

spipples: Oh no! Go away!

Octopussy: nah.

SnekBoi: Down boy. I said look, not touch.

Octopussy: *sad octopus noises*

Papa Bear I MADE COOKIES!

Papa Bear: More like rocks but still.

Logan: Oh god, get the fire extinguisher.

Thomas: Why am I not shocked this is the first ten minutes of this group chat?

SnekBoi: Because you're used to this.

Octopussy: Speaking of used to this.

**SnekBoi and Octopussy are now offline**

Thomas: I decidedly don't want to know what that means.

spipples: Good choice.

Thomas: Speaking of 'don't want to know what that means', do I even want to ask about your username?

spipples: I am spider. I have nipples. Spider nipples. Spipples.

Thomas: Oh. Oh, I hate it.

spipples: You're welcome.

**7:18PM**

spipples: I hate life and I'm about to make it everyone's problem.

Papa Bear: Oh gosh, that's ominous.

Roman: Not again, Virgil, please.

spipples: Hmmmmm nah, I'll do it anyway.

Thomas: Virgil, stop it.

spipples: Alright.

Logan: Oh wow, that was easy.

spipples: For now.


	2. Wait, You What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas, they literally live in your brain, you should know these things.

**6:00AM**

Papa Bear: @spipples, kiddo, I made you lunch and dinner and extra coffee to take with you to work today!

spipples: Thanks Dad. About to shower, I'll grab it before I leave.

Thomas: Wait, you work?

spipples: That is what adults do, yes?

Thomas: What job could you even have? You live inside my head. Wouldn't we all have the same job?

spipples: Well, I, specifically work two jobs as a tattoo artist and I sew clothes as a side business. Now, I gotta shower, bug someone else before you make me late for my bus.

Thomas: Alright, today I learned my sides have jobs. This is fine.

SnekBoi: It pains me that you didn't think we have a life outside of helping yours. I mean, we have to entertain ourselves somehow living in your head 24/7.

Thomas: Well, what do you do then?

SnekBoi: Confidential information. You don't even listen to me, you think I'd tell you my job?

Octopussy: probably something lame anyway.

SnekBoi: You literally know all my jobs, you've watched me work, I don't know what you're talking about.

Thomas: What's your job then, oh mysterious one?

Octopussy: i'm a vet.

Thomas: You served in a war?

Octopussy: no, veterinarian, doctor for animals. I take care of animals, thankfully, it's usually not old Snakey's over here but I do some hair length maintenence on Fridays for Dee and Virgil's dogs.

Octopussy: in case I wasn't being hinty enough, Virgil and Dee don't you dare forget to bring Angel and Booger.

SnekBoi: His name is Boogeyman but fine.

Thomas: Oh, that's pretty...normal I guess. I didn't expect you dark sides to have normal jobs, I guess.

SnekBoi: We're no more immoral than you, Thomas. I've tried to tell you this many times. Though our methods are different, we are aligned mainly with your moral set but for the prospect of our own success on getting your attention.

Thomas: I know.

Logan: Could all of you stop spam messaging my phone? My client is beginning to ask questions.

Thomas: Wait, client?

Logan: Yes, I'm a personal chef, a baby sitter, and a pet sitter. I'll let you guess which one I'm doing and muting my phone now. We can talk later about my jobs if you want.

**Logan is offline**

Thomas: So my logic is a personal chef, a baby sitter, and a pet sitter. Never thought I'd say that.

Papa Bear: Leaving for work now, kids. I'll be back before dinner unless Lisa doesn't make it to pick up her flowers for Daniel.

Thomas: So flower-worker of some kind?

Papa Bear: Oh, sillybilly, I'm a florist.

Thomas: Should've expected.

**Papa Bear is offline**

Thomas: @spipples What are you doing today? You said you have two jobs.

spipples: Well, from when I get to my shop til dinner, I'm working on tattoos, from then I'm working til I'm tired on sewing and I'm entrusting my children to the likes of bozos like Remy and Romn until I get home at their bedtime.

Thomas: Today I learned my sides have jobs and my anxiety has kids apparently.

spipples: Fuck. Well, that's known now.

SnekBoi: Good lord, you just can't keep secrets.

spipples: I hate you.

SnekBoi: Love you too, Emo.

spipples: Fuck right off.

SnekBoi: Thanks for the offer but broody and moody isn't my type.

spipples: Don't you have a class where you have to get kicked by a twelve year old or something?

SnekBoi: The first class doesn't begin for an hour and the kids class is at ten, I'm talking to you idiots during my workout time. And Hazel is trying her best, she just doesn't have good balance yet.

spipples: Should we feel graced with your presence?

SnekBoi: You can if you want to but I'm just here because you're all entertaining.

Thomas: Oh yeah, @Roman, what's your job?

Roman: I design fabric and I make jewelry.

Thomas: Oh that's pretty cool, actually.

Roman: I know, I'm just finishing this really cool white paisley fabric and a black lacey fabric that Virgil needs for his sons' birthday.

spipples: Their birthday is in a week, Roman. We're cutting it a bit close.

Roman: And the fabric should be done by dinner so you can use it. It should be fine, V, it's a week away still.

Thomas: What's a week away?

spipples: My oldest sons' birthday. Pollux wants a dress with his color on paisley fabric and Castor wants a dress with his color on lacey fabric.

Thomas: Today I learned my Anxiety has twins named after Gemini.

spipples: Actually triplets but Sirius said he wants to learn how to embroider this year.

Thomas: Ah. Valid little man.

spipples: He's precious. Anyway, gotta work now.

**spipples is offline**

Octopussy: just so you know, (yes, Vi, I'm on my way to work, shut up) this is how flexible your Deceit is.

Octopussy: deceitdoingsplits.jpg

Thomas: That...

Thomas: That's actually impressive holy crud.

SnekBoi: Hey! Go away!

Octopussy: too late, staring at snake butt.

SnekBoi: I have no complaints with that but don't be late to work.

Octopussy: fuck, that's right!

**Octopussy is offline**

SnekBoi: Hah.

Roman: Oh lord, tell me you two don't.

SnekBoi: Nope. I used to have body image issues so Inny feels the need to compliment my body whenever he can but we're not together, we're just friends. Unless that ever manages to change, that is.

Roman: Oh good.

Roman: Work time. And you need to get kicked by twelve year olds.

**Roman is offline**

SnekBoi: I don't get kicked on purpose!

Thomas: Suuuuure. We believe you, Dee.

SnekBoi: I hate you all.

SnekBoi: And it's work time!

**SnekBoi is offline**

Thomas: Love you nutty folks.


	3. Beach Day? Beach Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beach day and slight drama.

**9:20AM**

Thomas: Hey, guys, do you wanna go to the beach with me and my friends today?

spipples: If I go, I advise you, I'm bringing my kids.

Thomas: That's fine, Virge. I'd love to meet the kiddos!

spipples: Then sure, I guess.

Octopussy: I can't, taking care of a whole bunch of kittens.

Thomas: I thought we were all allergic to cat dander.

Octopussy: I've nulled my allergy because I love animals more than I respect myself.

SnekBoi: He takes allergy meds every morning before work.

Octopussy: shut up and let me look badass, snakey.

SnekBoi: Oh yeah, how many kittens are there, I never asked.

Octopussy: in the box you gave me, eleven. in the box Remy gave me, fifteen. twenty six total and four have upper respiratory infections. you know how those go, right, snakey?

SnekBoi: So don't get attached to them, I know.

Octopussy: don't get attached to any of them, they were in close proximity so it could have gotten spread to any of the rest of them. and they need to be isolated from each other.

Thomas: Are they okay?

Octopussy: the majority seem to be fine but they need observation and care for the next week at least so they'll be staying at my clinic because snakeling over here owns a dog and snakes that could get sick from the kittens.

Thomas: Okay, question, it's been nagging me since you told me you were a vet.

Octopussy: might have an answer.

Thomas: Do you take care of Deceit since he's half snake? Like, does he need both a vet and a doctor or just one? And, if he only needs one, which one?

SnekBoi: I have both, but thanks for the potential worry.

Octopussy: and, yes, I'm his vet.

SnekBoi: Dice is my main doctor. I have one other doctor, for reasons. And a dentist and therapist.

Thomas: What reasons?

SnekBoi: Private medical history reasons.

Octopussy: just leave it, Thomas. if he doesn't trust you with his name or job, he won't trust you with his medical history.

Thomas: Okay, but I really hope you can trust me one day, Deceit.

SnekBoi: I hope I can too.

spipples: If y'all are done with vet talk, Dee has an in-hospital appointment today and can't be around people. So, @SnekBoi, if you could show up at your appointment at eleven, that'd be great. -Dice.

SnekBoi: Fine, fine. I know.

SnekBoi: I'm afraid I cannot go, Thomas, my in-hospital appointments require my 24 hours prior to be either isolated or not around other people who could be potentially sick.

Thomas: That's fine, buddy, as long as you're healthy.

SnekBoi: That's kinda the idea of the appointment here.

spipples: Sorry, Dice is helping with the kids and I was chasing down Castor to put his pants on.

Roman: My bath interrupted by my phone's constant pinging? Check. What do you plebs want?

Thomas: To know if you want to go to the beach with me and my friends today? So far Deceit and his Inny? (Is that their name?) can't go and Virgil and his kids are going.

Roman: I'm busy today. I've got a date planned today and I don't wish to smell like seaweed for it.

SnekBoi: Oooooh. You're gonna have to tell me everything later over tea.

Roman: Of course!!

Roman: Anyway, I must get ready for my knight in shining armor!

**Roman is offline**

Papa Bear: I'll go!

Logan: I can't, I have work today.

Thomas: So I have Patton and Virgil coming with me, awesome!

**2:17PM**

Thomas: Virgil, where did you go?

spipples: virgilswimmingwithagirl.jpg

Thomas: Are you with a girl? Is she lost or something?

spipples: No, this is Halley, my second youngest and my only daughter.

Thomas: Aw, I didn't get to meet Halley yet!

spipples: You also didn't meet Orion yet either.

Thomas: Wait, how old are your kids?

spipples: Sirius, Pollux, and Castor are 15, Halley is 14, and Orion is 13.

Thomas: Wait, you have more than three kids?

spipples: I have 5.

Thomas: So you had triplets at 15 and then got someone pregnant again?

spipples: I made these myself, Sanders.

Thomas: Oh, so you're the mom? Got it.

spipples: That is what I'm called, yes.

Thomas: That's pretty cool, buddy. I never knew that about you.

spipples: Well, I hid it, so yeah.

**4:30PM**

Papa Bear: Um, kiddos? I think Orion got a bit too far out in the surf? Do you want me to look for him or do you want to get the lifeguard?

spipples: Please look for my thirteen year old?

Papa Bear: On it.

Thomas: Wait, no, I see him, I think.

Thomas: orionsurfing.jpg

PapaBear: Oh he just went further up the beach, that's good. I thought I lost him but he must've just been headed back to his mom.

spipples: I think that's enough chaos for today, we can always come back but now my kids are becoming waterlogged demons.

Thomas: Agreed.

Papa Bear: Agreed.

**6:45PM**

SnekBoi: So how was you guys' day?

spipples: Chaotic but fun, I need a nap.

SnekBoi: You always need a nap.

spipples: Doesn't make it less true.

SnekBoi: Fair enough.

Thomas: Oh, Dee, how was your appointment?

SnekBoi: Exhausting. I feel like I'm dead tired and I can't even force myself to eat. Plus I fell so now I have a really big bruise on my leg and hip. And, to top it off, I threw up twice already and I tried to get my hair out of my eyes and ended up having some fall out. Overall, 2/10 wouldn't recommend but the mandatory hospital meal was at least decent and didn't have any of my allergens this time.

Thomas: Geez, you okay, bud?

SnekBoi: I wouldn't qualify as 'okay', but 'decent' will suffice.

Thomas: Alright, make sure you eat something and get some rest.

SnekBoi: God, you sound like Inny. But fine. It's way too early but goodnight cruel world.

**SnekBoi is offline**

Thomas: Gosh, I wish I knew what was wrong with him so I could help.

Octopussy: his private medical history isn't your concern. besides, he's doing pretty well, actually. he's fought a lot, it just sucks that he has to go through it again especially when he worked so hard to beat it thirteen years ago.

Thomas: He's gone through this twice?

Octopussy: yeah. It's a recurring thing, Thommy.

Thomas: Oh. Well, I hope this time whatever it is goes away for good.

Octopussy: you and me both, buckaroo.

Octopussy: now, I gotta take care of him.

**Octopussy is offline**

spipples: And I'm gonna make dinner. Night Thomas.

**spipples is offline**

Thomas: Night guys.

Roman: I could come over and talk about my hot new potential boyfriend if you want to get your mind off worrying about Deceit.

Thomas: Heck yeah!

**Thomas and Roman are offline**

Papa Bear: I love all my kiddos. I'll be in my room if you need me.

**Papa Bear is offline**

Logan: Well...

**Logan added Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero), Coffee Bandit,**

**and 6 others to the chatroom**

Logan: This will be fun.


	4. God Dammit, Karen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Deceit drama, a cute frog encounter, and only a little bit of chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andy: Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero)  
> Dayd: carniverousroomba  
> Dice: Dr. Bitch  
> Emile: Thera-pissed  
> Janus: SnekBoi  
> Logan: Momgan  
> October: eatpavementido  
> Patton: Papa Bear  
> Pryce: SwEeTvErUcA  
> Remus: Octopussy  
> Remy: Coffee Bandit  
> Roman: waaahluigi  
> Teal: uwu  
> Thomas: shrexy  
> Virgil: spipples

**12:34PM**

SnekBoi: My god, Inny, do you remember Gina, Alyssa, and Mandy?

Octopussy: the trio of karens and their plethora of crotch goblins they unleashed upon your poor kids class? I do, why?

SnekBoi: Gina's oldest daughter, Ellie, just told me her mother faked their paperwork she gave me. Gina's kids are all unvaccinated and so are all of Mandy and Alyssa's kids. They got together and falsified all their kids' paperwork because of my rules.

spipples: Oh no.

SnekBoi: Oh yeah. They deliberately lied to me!

Thomas: Is it a big deal? I mean, you can just pull them from the class or something right?

SnekBoi: No, I have to shut down my entire studio for two weeks at least and isolate.

Thomas: What? Why?

SnekBoi: Because I'm immunocompromised, Thomas, any one of them could have passed anything they've ever had onto me and it would set my progress back even more than it is right now.

Thomas: Is there anything one of us can do?

SnekBoi: Don't be around me.

Octopussy: yeah, me and Dee are probably gonna go full Elsa and Anna so he doesn't get sick.

SnekBoi Hey, Inny, you're off right?

Octopussy: yeah, why?

SnekBoi: Come to my studio? I think I'm getting a fever but I can't tell.

Octopussy: I was already on my way, we'll just head to see Dice then instead of going home.

**SnekBoi and Octopussy are offline**

Thomas: Will he be okay? I mean, Dice is his doctor, right?

spipples: He'll be okay, he'll probably just spent a week in the hospital under observation and then he'll isolate a week at home. He should be fine.

Roman: can we talk about something happy?

spipples: Well, I just bought a new pet frog. Her name is Celeste and I love her.

Thomas: Okay, you can't tell me you bought a frog and not send me pictures of this little chonker.

spipples: celestesittinginvirgilshand.jpg

spipples: She's a white's tree frog.

Thomas: And you have your dog, Angel too?

spipples: And a bat named Evie, a cockatiel named Voodoo, a spider named Arachne.

Papa Bear: Aw! You adopted a froggie! She's so cute, Virge!

spipples: Yeah, the chonk is an absolute unit of cuteness.

Thomas: They sound cute.

spipples: They are.

Logan: If you want chonk, I suggest Exhibit A, also known as Eve, my Maine Coon.

Logan: evelayingonlogan.jpg

spipples: Don't forget Lilith, the demon.

Logan: Very true.

Thomas: You have a pet demon?

Logan: I have a pet munchkin cat and she's a little hellion but I love her nonetheless for the heathenism she expresses.

Coffee Bandit: Fancy talk for "my cat is a little gremlin and she causes chaos every minute she can"

spipples: Oh hi Remy.

Coffee Bandit: Gurl hey! I missed you last night! That concert was bomb, I recorded the whole thing for you.

spipples: Hell yeah.

Coffee Bandit: Can I come up there?

spipples: Please. I'd love some cuddly alone time together.

**6:39PM**

Roman: Does anyone else ever just want to throw yourself out the window?

Octopussy: I've done it, not as fun as it sounds.

Logan: Roman, no. You, no encouraging him.

Octopussy: whatever, mom

Roman: Yes, mom.

Logan: Lord, I'm the group mom? Why not Virgil, he's the actual mom here.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Because you radiate mom energy, Lo, just face it.

Logan: I do no such thing.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Oh really? Want to fight about it?

Logan: Fight me you little shit.

 **Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero) has** **changed** **Logan's name to Momgan**

**Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero) is offline**

Momgan: And now it's time for an anxiety to die.

spipples: Not now, I'm busy helping my kids with homework.

Momgan: You know what I meant!

spipples: Yeah, I know. But it's fun to mess with you a little.

Momgan: And you're next, I've just decided.

spipples: Assuming my kids will let me die.

Momgan: Fair.

**7:04PM**

spipples: Logan, what in the loving fuckidy is Algebra?

Momgan: Send the children.

Thomas: Good lord, you're all cryptic.

spipples: Speaking of cryptic.

**spipples changed Roman's name to waaahluigi**

waaahluigi: You better run.

spipples: I know.

**waaahluigi and spipples are offline**

Thomas: Why do I ever expect anything less than chaos?

uwu: You have expectations of professionalism that you're just not going to receive.

eatpavementido: Also

**eatpavementido changed Thomas' name to shrexy**

shrexy: Yeah, I figured.

**3:07AM**

shrexy: Am I allowed to ask the reason that someone's dog just summoned itself and laid on top of me?

spipples: I got up to go to the bathroom and get a snack, she apparently she decided I was fine and you not sleeping was important to rectify.

shrexy: Cool, how do I get her off?

spipples: You don't. You accept your fate. She won't move until you sleep. Good luck.

shrexy: Why isn't she getting you back to bed?

spipples: Easy, Angie's used to me getting up to eat something and going back to sleep in the middle of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No hate on people named Gina, Alyssa, and Mandy. The names are just based on the three Kareniest Karens I've encountered while working in customer service.


	5. Aggressive Affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit loves his dog, grocery shopping, and the anxiety twins drop off the dark sides something special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andy: Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero)  
> Dayd: carniverousroomba  
> Dice: Dr. Bitch  
> Emile: Thera-pissed  
> Janus: SnekBoi  
> Logan: Momgan  
> October: eatpavementido  
> Patton: Papa Bear  
> Pryce: SwEeTvErUcA  
> Remus: Octopussy  
> Remy: Coffee Bandit  
> Roman: waaahluigi  
> Teal: uwu  
> Virgil: spipples

**8:46AM**

SnekBoi: I love Boogey, he's the light of my life and I would kill a man for him if he needed me to.

shrexy: Your dog? What happened?

SnekBoi: My absolute greatest boy ever just helped me get up and I owe him the world and maybe some extra snacks because he's not used to helping me get up anymore but he did it anyway.

Octopussy: you absolute fool, you full well know I would've come up and helped you but you have the dog help?

SnekBoi: I severely doubt you wanted me to wait to get up just so I could puke on you.

Octopussy: fair enough.

spipples: I just can't believe you have to give up another two plus years for this same bullshit again.

SnekBoi: I'll be fine. I've did this before, I can do it again.

spipples: I just hate that you have to do it all over again.

SnekBoi: Well, I did the month's stay in the hospital again right before I started working again and I was on my second stage of treatment, but I'm getting re-admitted for another month tomorrow, since my progress is now going backward ever since my fever and there's no signs yet that the first treatment worked so I'll have to do that stage again.

Dr. Bitch: Yeah, I wanna get you through the treatment again because, otherwise, it won't go away and, as much as I love you, I really don't wanna see you every day if if means I'm seeing you not healthy and I sure as hell don't wanna see you close to your deathbed.

SnekBoi: I know, healthy is the goal, I get it. Anyway, I have some exhaustion to deal with, I feel like a corpse.

Octopussy: cool, can I do an autopsy on you?

SnekBoi: If it means death, I will accept.

Dr. Bitch: There will be no autopsies on my patient, you bone-headed little shit.

Octopussy: fine. but I'm still bringing him breakfast so he might feel better.

SnekBoi: What's breakfast?

Octopussy: well, I got you the ginger candy you like, first of all. and I made you the bagels you like and I might possibly sneak you extra non-dairy cream cheese and I made Boogey a treat bowl since I know you don't keep good boy treats in your room.

SnekBoi: I love you.

Octopussy: I know you do.

**SnekBoi and Octopussy are offline**

shrexy: I hope whatever that treatment he's having works this time.

spipples: Well, Inny and Dice are doing their best so we just have to trust they know what they're doing. Knowing they've accomplished making him healthy once, makes it easy to believe that they can do it again.

spipples: This time, it just has a lot more stuff because last time his month's hospital stay worked and nothing hitched like his fever last week. Or at least it didn't until he was farther in the treatment when he was starting to push himself again.

waaahluigi: Can we talk about something else?

spipples; Well, I need to go food shopping today, who wants to go with me?

SwEetvErUcA: I'll go, I need a few things for dinner.

carniverousroomba: Yeah sure, I need to get me some good candy for my Netflix binge tonight.

Papa Bear: I can't to go because I'm busy at work but if you guys can pick me up a loaf of bread and just have someone bring it to me, I'll pay you back.

spipples: If you can make me a decent meal for work when cooking is hard for you, Pat, I think I can buy you a loaf of bread and deliver it to my hard-working dad.

Papa Bear: Oh, it's okay, I want to pay you back! Virge, you always get stuck bringing me food or picking me up things, I feel bad!

spipples: Did I ask you to pay me back?

Papa Bear: No, but I want to!

spipples: I didn't ask you to because money isn't a factor, Patton, You need to eat at work. I won't have you pulling a 12 hour shift without food because Nathaniel isn't there anymore. You need to get some food in your system, feeding yourself is important, Patton. And, if you try to sneak money into my wallet, pockets, or otherwise, I can and will put it back.

Dr. Bitch: Virgil's really out here screaming that food is important. I love that your brand of aggressive affection is still going.

spipples: It never stopped being aggressively affectionate, Dice.

waaahluigi: I need some things, I'll go.

eatpavementido: Please pick me up exactly four tiny pumpkins and a tbe of black paint for them.

spipples: Alrighty there cryptid.

**10:10** **AM**

Momgan: If you're currently at the store, please bring me home coffee before I die from lack of caffeine.

spipples: hey, you, you're finally awake!

waaahluigi: Quick question, what aisle are you in? Because I'm going to come over there and punch you.

spipples: Wouldn't you like to know, weather boy?

shrexy: Oh no, he's in meme mode today.

spipples: Maybe.

Momgan: Please. Just pick up coffee, any form of coffee and I swear to god, I'll make you whatever you want for dinner.

spipples: Pizza and nuggets.

Momgan: Done.

Thera-pissed: I feel like I just witnessed a drug deal.

Coffee Bandit: You did. But it's a drug deal for food.

Thera-pissed: Yeah, I figured that out.

**12:17PM**

Momgan: I have caffeine, I am now human again.

uwu: Good because I'm lonely, come cuddle.

Momgan: Ah, drawn back into the hell of a day off in bed by my own brother. What treachery is this?

uwu: The good kind, now come cuddle me, I'm cold, goddammit.

Momgan: Fine.

shrexy: Wait, you have a brother?

Momgan: Yes, Teal, your teacher character from your short videos is my brother. He may not be a side, but, since our function initially was similar, your mind connected us as brothers just as it has with Virgil and Andy, Roman and Pryce, and Patton and Dayd.

shrexy: Huh, learning something new about you guys every day.

Momgan: I know, I find it rather fun that you're learning so easily.

**2:43PM**

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Thought I'd share my dumbass little brother being cute because why not die today.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): virgilinaflowercrown.jpg

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): virgilinadress.jpg

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): virgilinaflowermaze.jpg

Octopussy: are you outside our house.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Delivering food.

SnekBoi: Aw, you two are so thoughtful!

spipples: Well, we gotta help you two somehow and your garden won't sustain two weeks isolation. We've tried that, remember? The week of potatoes?

Octopussy: I know. I just don't have the heart to go because it's always so crowded and I can't risk getting Dee sick.

spipples: And now you don't have to, And we washed everything once, just in case so there's no germs coming into the house.

SnekBoi: I wish I could hug you two.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Don't, focus on yourself.

SnekBoi: I know. But still, thank you.

spipples: And no going off on a "you'll pay me back" spiel, I already did that with Patton and the answer is no, you cannot pay me back because I'm trying to help you get better and I don't want to be repaid for helping you out when you definitely need it.

SnekBoi: You little shit, I love you.

spipples: The feeling is mutual, you funky little snake.

**3:01**

Octopussy: is this half pre-cooked food, half stuff from the store? why?

spipples: Well, we know that you're both really busy right now so we made you food like you used to make us food when we were really busy.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): And don't worry, we made sure it was all healthy for Dee.

Octopussy: how long did this take you and how much did this cost you!? this is like an entire fridge and freezer of food!

spipples: Let's just say I took the last couple days off and I worked really late last week.

Octopussy: you didn't need to do that.

spipples: You're right, I wanted to.

Octopussy: you're so lucky Dee's asleep or he'd be telling you off for pulling a stunt like this.

spipples: I fully expect to be chewed out later, don't worry.

spipples: Just let me do something while you guys need it, you didn't have this kind of help the first time and I don't want to let this time be like that again, especially when I can help you.

Octopussy: I'd have hugged you if I wasn't isolating, you lovable little shit.

spipple: Love you too, Inny, you amazing jackass.


	6. Prank War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil's kids, a prank war, and even more chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andy: Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero)  
> Castor: schrodingersdumbass  
> Dayd: carniverousroomba  
> Dice: Dr. Bitch  
> Emile: Thera-pissed  
> Halley: aspermylastemail  
> Janus: SnekBoi  
> Logan: Momgan  
> October: eatpavementido  
> Orion: birdgeoisie  
> Patton: Papa Bear  
> Pollux: satantakemehome  
> Pryce: SwEeTvErUcA  
> Remus: Octopussy  
> Remy: Coffee Bandit  
> Roman: waaahluigi  
> Sirius: literalsunshine  
> Teal: uwu  
> Thomas: shrexy  
> Virgil: spipples  
> Vita: þiccness

**9:30AM**

waaahluigi: Oh yeah, forgot to do this since Thomas here knows about them now.

**waaahluigi has added birdgeoisie, aspermylastemail, satantakemehome, literalsunshine, and schrodingersdumbass to the chatroom**

spipples: Oh yeah

literalsunshine: Hi mom!

spipples: Hello younglings. All your uncles and Thomas are in here. Please don't kill anyone. Usual rules apply.

birdgeoisie: So just be safe and no death within a fifteen foot radius, got it.

shrexy: I love your parenting methods already.

spipples: I just want them to do whatever they want as long as they're not doing anything dangerous. They live their lives, I'm just here to make sure nobody gets hurt at this point.

aspermylastemail: mom, Castor took my paint.

spipples: Castor Wybie Sanders! Give her back the paint, we'll go get you your own later.

schrodingersdumbass: Okay, okay, jeez mom.

spipples: We do not steal from our siblings you chaotic little ferret child.

schrodingersdumbass: Sorry Hal.

aspermylastemail: don't worry. I'll get you back.

**schrodingersdumbass is offline**

literalsunshine: Oh mom, I'm going on a date with Noah today. Can you help me pick out clothes?

spipples: Yeah, I'll be up once I get some coffee.

literalsunshine: Thanks mom.

satantakemehome: what was wrong with my option?

literalsunshine: I'd like to wear something that doesn't make me look like a depressed twelve year old.

spipples: Yeah, I'm coming upstairs, Sirius.

**spipples and literalsunshine are offline**

shrexy: Virgil parenting is probably the cutest thing to wake up to.

Momgan: You're not wrong. Virgil parenting is usually very cute to witness.

Papa Bear: Speaking of parenting, Roman, aren't you going to tell Thomas too?

waaahluigi: Yeah, I mean, I could add Vita, she's fourteen now.

aspermylastemail: yesssss, add my sister from another mother.

waaahluigi: Fine.

**waaahluigi has added þiccnesse to the chatroom**

þiccness: OwO

waaahluigi: Daughter, please.

shrexy: Who's that?

Papa Bear: Roman's daughter.

shrexy: Ah, hi Vita. I'm guessing the same method as Virgil.

waaahluigi: Yep.

shrexy: I love this chaotic family.

**10:50AM**

uwu: Can anyone explain why my entire classroom is full of ducks on every surface?

eatpavementido: The children have roped me into their prank war. You're welcome.

uwu: Well, I'm letting my students take them home if you don't come collect them.

eatpavementido: Hey, no, gimme my ducks back!

uwu: Come get them then, pumpkin boy.

**eatpavementido is now offline**

uwu: Now to get back at him before he gets online again.

Coffee Bandit: Let me and Andy help.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): I'd help you, but I'm on the kid's side this time.

carniverousroomba: Traitor or the shorts family!

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Dude, I'm just being a good uncle.

SwEeTvErUcA: My own boyfriend is a traitor.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): You make it seem like you don't know I've already set a trap for you, my love.

SwEeTvErUcA: Wait, you have?

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Good luck there lover boy.

**Octopussy has kicked waaahluigi from the group chat**

Octopussy: hey, can someone set up a prank for Roman? I'm stuck at work all day and then I have to go visit Dee before I go home and sleep better than the dead.

satantakemehome: Count me in.

schrodingersdumbass: Sure.

aspermylastemail: yeah, okay. 

þiccness: I get to prank my mom for my uncle? I'm in, as usual.

birdgeoisie: Alright, Uncle Inny

Octopussy: alright, so I want you little cult members to put fine glitter into his conditioner and, tonight before dinner, if he does anything to retaliate, have Sirius do his special effects makeup magic and turn you all into zombies and storm Roman in his room.

þiccness: Of course, my lord. Any further instruction?

Octopussy: not as of yet, we must await his strike back, youngling.

þiccness: Alright, Uncle Inny.

Octopussy: one of you kids screenshot it, I've gotta delete the messages before I add him back.

þiccness: Already done.

**Octopussy has deleted 12 messages**

**Octopussy has added waaahluigi to the chatroom**

waaahluigi: What the hell was that for, Inny!?

Octopussy: no reason. Just wanna mess with my big brother the best way I can while I'm on break.

shrexy: How is Deceit by the way?

Octopussy: his month hospital stay worked this time, thankfully. he’s getting released tonight.

Octopussy: anyway, back to work.

spipples: WAIT

spipples: @Octopussy Did you eat?

Octopussy: no?

spipples: Guess I'm visiting and making you eat then.

Octopussy: can I change my answer to yes?

spipples: Not if you're lying.

Octopussy: fine.

Octopussy: top way to get food to me, bring Boogey and Angel for grooming.

spipples: Amazing. Doing that around 2 when it lulls.

Octopussy: thank god. you're a godsend, Emo.

spipples: No problem.

**12:12PM**

waaahluigi: My hair! My hair is matted with glitter! All I did was take a shower!

shrexy: I can't believe you actually fell for that.

waaahluigi: Did you do this!?

shrexy: Oh, no. I didn't.

þiccness: Wait a minute, mom, let me stop dying.

waaahluigi: You!

þiccness: Me.

uwu: And the rest of the kids.

waaahluigi: Just you kids wait.

þiccness: No messing with Sirius, he's not a part of this and he's busy today.

waaahluigi: I figured as much. But the rest of you just wait.

SwEeTvErUcA: I can't wait to see what happens.

**4:40PM**

þiccness: MOM

waaahluigi: Oh good, it's beginning.

þiccness: Mom, why!?

shrexy: What happened?

þiccness: Mom set up a feather bomb in my room! It's everywhere!

waaahluigi: I'll help clean it up after I stop laughing, I promise.

Momgan: I hear more feather bomb explosions.

satantakemehome: That would be me.

schrodingersdumbass: And me.

birdgeoisie: Me too.

aspermylastemail: also me.

spipples: You, yes, you, Prince Jackass. I'm not cleaning up feathers, I'm allergic. So I guess it's your problem now.

Papa Bear: I'll help clean up!

literalsunshine: Why do I come home to chaos so often?

shrexy: Why is my mind so chaotic?

literalsunshine: Nobody knows but we just go with it.

**8:45PM**

waaahluigi: HOLY SHIT THE KIDS ARE ZOMBIES SEND HELP THEY GONNA EAT ME FOR DINNER

Octopussy: I love these kids.

Momgan: These children are like your little cult members.

Octopussy: I know, I love it.


	7. Selfishness vs Selflessness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Selfishness vs Selflessness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andy: Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero)  
> Castor: schrodingersdumbass  
> Dayd: carniverousroomba  
> Dice: Dr. Bitch  
> Emile: Thera-pissed  
> Halley: aspermylastemail  
> Janus: SnekBoi  
> Logan: Momgan  
> October: eatpavementido  
> Orion: birdgeoisie  
> Patton: Papa Bear  
> Pollux: satantakemehome  
> Pryce: SwEeTvErUcA  
> Remus: Octopussy  
> Remy: Coffee Bandit  
> Roman: waaahluigi  
> Sirius: literalsunshine  
> Teal: uwu  
> Thomas: shrexy  
> Virgil: spipples  
> Vita: þiccness  
> 
>
>> This chapter is so detailed with timing because, if you play the video with it with the video two minutes behind the time given (example: time in chapter at 3:04PM is 6 minutes into the video), it'll line up perfectly time-wise and I felt like it would be pretty cool to do that.

**12:02PM**

shrexy: Virgil, why must you attempt to give people other than me anxiety?

spipples: It gives me joy.

**1:02PM**

shrexy: I GOT A CALLBACK

**3:04PM**

Octopussy: hey, V, you seen Dee? he's not in his room.

spipples: No, but I have a feeling I know where he is and I hate it.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Hey, you were in the middle of doing my nails you little shit!

SwEeTvErUcA: I'll come fix it, lovebird. Let him have his drama, okay?

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Alright.

**3:10PM**

Octopussy: @spipples! Dee! you're supposed to be in bed not having a debate, you just had a treatment! get back here you little shitty snake, you're pushing yourself too far!

Octopussy: plus you didn't eat your after-treatment meal!

Octopussy: if you collapse or get a fever, I'm so telling you that I told you so!

**3:14PM**

uwu: Aaaaand there goes my brother.

carniverousroomba: Something tells me they're doing something stupid or overdramatic.

uwu: It's called unfortunately knowing our brothers.

SwEeTvErUcA: I feel a disturbance in the force and it's called one of my dumbass brothers.

Octopussy: don't worry, Pryce, I feel the disturbance too.

**3:21PM**

Momgan: So I'm stuck in the back of a courtroom.

Octopussy: goddammit! The only one with medical knowledge that doesn't hate Dee right now is fucking benched. GREAT!

Octopussy: please keep an eye on him?

Momgan: Of course.

Octopussy: he's been pushing himself way too far for the last three weeks because he knows he's only at the beginning of the second stage of treatment and already behind in his progress.

Momgan: He seems like he's fine for now. Arguing with Virgil, unsurprisingly, but he seems quite alright.

Octopussy: you update me if he has anything happen, jam boy. I'll buy you Crofters

Momgan: Yes, yes, I know. And the bribe will most definitely be accepted.

**3:30PM**

Momgan: You know, Deceit is a real existentialist anarchist and I'm kind of impressed.

Octopussy: is he doing something stupid? Boogey is freaking out.

Momgan: Well, I mean, he's being asked questions. By Patton who's acting like a lawyer.

Octopussy: you guys' discussions confuse me.

Momgan: Me too, don't worry.

**3:33PM**

Momgan: I'm so confused. What the hell is Patton doing?

waaahluigi: I'm confused too, don't worry.

carniverousroomba: wait, what is my brother doing now?

Momgan: He's running between the podium and the witness stand.

Octopussy: good lord you guys are confusing.

Momgan: I know.

Momgan: Alright he stopped those shinanigains.

Momgan: Okay, Dee's beginning to seem a bit tense and hissy.

Octopussy: oh wonderful, I get to tell him that I told him going was a bad idea.

Momgan: No, like he's really mad.

Octopussy: he's just loopy from the chemo and the lack of eating.

Momgan: Wait, he's on chemo? I thought it was just some kind of immunosuppressant for treatment of something like arthritis, but not chemo.

Octopussy: fuck

Momgan: Wait, no, you're talking about this. Deceit is on chemo and he had a treatment just before this?

Octopussy: I did kinda say that didn't I?

Momgan: So Deceit is getting chemotherapy, which means he has either cancer or an autoimmune disease.

Octopussy: I'm not at liberty to tell you my patient's medical history.

Momgan: But he's recovering, right?

Octopussy: I'm not at liberty to tell you my patient's medical history.

Momgan: Intrusive Thoughts, you answer me, I'm watching him for you!

Octopussy: I will be deleting the messages after your response if I discuss this with you.

Momgan: Fine.

Octopussy: okay, so Dee had leukemia from when we were fifteen until we were nineteen because the treatment kept failing but eventually it went into remission and he's been doing such a good job not getting sick again. but it came back in December and now he's been through induction twice and he just got the first of his intensification treatments today. and, if he keeps pushing himself this way, it'll get worse and he'll need to get his induction treatments again because his treatment requires him to be in a safe, stress-free environment if his last rounds are any similar to this round.

Octopussy: and I'm just so worried about him because he pushed himself after his first induction this time to reopen his studio because he knew I'm the only one in the house that was working and he wanted to help me. but all it did was get him sicker and have to do induction again and now he's doing the same thing but with you light sides because he thinks he's okay now that he's not in a hospital 24/7 under constant monitoring.

Octopussy: and he does this every time he's released and I can't tell anyone because he doesn't want you all to pity him or treat him different but, even if it's not what he wants, it's honestly better for him to get treated like he's fragile because he is than for him to be allowed to stress himself out this much!

Octopussy: and, I know it's not something you're supposed to keep secret because what if something goes wrong or his treatments don't even work and he starts dying and there's nothing we can do but he insists nobody tells anyone. not even Virgil is updated on his condition, he just knows what it means when Dee has to go for in-hospital appointments. he insists that only the people who come over on a regular basis even know he's getting chemo, let alone what for. Emile only knows because he's his therapist and me and Dice know because we're his vet and doctor.

Octopussy: and Dee's not doing that good and I'm scared he's getting worse again and I can't lose him because he's the only friend I have right now.

Momgan: Noted, if you ever need help, Inny, please just tell me and I'll help you. Even if it's just having someone around. I can be your friend if you want.

Octopussy: I will not ask you to help with a household that isn't yours.

Momgan: Remus, I will help you regardless of what you need.

Octopussy: I guess I kind of need some company? It wouldn't hurt to have some company that isn't just one of my patients.

Momgan: How does seven tonight sound? I can come over and take you out to dinner just the two of us and we can go see a horror movie or something.

Octopussy: that actually sounds pretty nice. I can call Dice and Remy over to stay with Dee and we can go out alone.

Momgan: It's a date then.

Octopussy: I guess it kind of is a date. I can't wait.

Octopussy: alright screenshot this conversation if you want but I'm deleting them in

Octopussy: 3

Octopussy: 2

Momgan: Got them screenshotted.

Octopussy: 1

**Octopussy has deleted 18 messages**

Momgan: I thought you'd delete more messages than that.

Octopussy: as long as nobody can guess it offhand, he shouldn't be too mad at me for leaving the ones I did.

Momgan: Alright.

Momgan: Oh they're out of the courtroom.

Octopussy: wait, so is this a romantic date or a friend date?

Momgan: Whichever you like, I don't mind which.

**8:17PM**

þiccness: in case you were wondering, this is how Auntie Logan and Uncle Inny's date went

þiccness: remusandloganatapark.jpg

þiccness: remusandloganatarestaurant.jpg

þiccness: remusandloganinamovie.jpg

SwEeTvErUcA: I love that they look like cryptids together.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Well, granted, they're both already cryptids apart so really nothing has changed much except now they both have a cryptid partner.

uwu: Very true.

Momgan: Vita Laelia Sanders, I'm speaking to you alone after this about what you saw in the chatroom.

þiccness: What, why?

Momgan: Because we only discussed the timing of our date in deleted messages in which an extremely private matter was discussed and I can't let you to tell anyone of what was discussed.

þiccness: I'm not gonna tell anyone, I'm not like that. I was just bored and reading through the group chat because mom said he and I were going to the mall today and he got busy so I was stuck in a foot court.

Momgan: You're sure you won't or haven't told anyone?

þiccness: I haven't and I don't intend to.


	8. New Pets? New Pets.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snakes, Deceit in the hospital yet again, and Roman being touch starved as usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andy: Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero)  
> Castor: schrodingersdumbass  
> Dayd: carniverousroomba  
> Dice: Dr. Bitch  
> Emile: Thera-pissed  
> Halley: aspermylastemail  
> Janus: SnekBoi  
> Logan: Momgan  
> October: eatpavementido  
> Orion: birdgeoisie  
> Patton: Papa Bear  
> Pollux: satantakemehome  
> Pryce: SwEeTvErUcA  
> Remus: Octopussy  
> Remy: Coffee Bandit  
> Roman: waaahluigi  
> Sirius: literalsunshine  
> Teal: uwu  
> Thomas: shrexy  
> Virgil: spipples  
> Vita: þiccness

**1:17PM**

SnekBoi: Inny, did you feed my snakes?

Octopussy: I did. 

SnekBoi: Oh good, I was worried about Ceres. She's only taken her food from me before.

shrexy: Ceres?

Octopussy: baby Burmese Python Dee just got.

SnekBoi: And I have more snakes that will be laying soon.

**Thera-pissed has kicked SnekBoi from the chat**

Thera-pissed: Seriously, Inny, is he okay? He looks really pale.

Octopussy: well, he's in observation so, obviously, no. he's pretty much running himself down again. he said he plans to reopen his studio again on the fourteenth against me and Dice's medical advice. he's currently digging his hole and he's going to have to work his way out of it when he finally crashes again.

Thera-pissed: Well, how deep in the hole is he?

Dr. Bitch: Currently, he's at least twenty pounds underweight even though he's eating like he should, he's just burning it off by straining himself so much. He had at least two nosebleeds while he was hospitalized last night so it's inevitable that he'll have to do the induction again because it's just not working.

Octopussy: plus, this morning he couldn't open a tupperware I brought him, so I'd say he's pretty much back at the beginning again.

Dr. Bitch: You didn't tell me that you brought him extra food.

Octopussy: he said he'd tell you.

Dr. Bitch: So he's lying between us now.

Octopussy: maybe trying to make himself stronger by lying to people he's connected to emotionally?

Dr. Bitch: Maybe.

Octopussy: if he gets any better, maybe that's the point of his lying right now but just keep eyes on him so his lying can't backfire on him.

Dr. Bitch: I always have a nurse near his room. He's too dangerous left alone for too long.

Octopussy: I have to get back to work, Alice came in with Hannah and Hannah needs her fur de-matted again and if I make Riley deal with her for too long, he'll scream in the break room later.

Dr. Bitch: I wish you could just take the animal from the owners that don't care about them.

Octopussy: I'm not getting fired to rescue dogs, Dicey.

Octopussy: plus you have that kitten now, you can't take care of a month and a half old kitten, a dog, and your job.

Dr. Bitch: You're right and I hate you.

Octopussy: don't lie, bitch, you love me.

Dr. Bitch: Irrelevant.

Octopussy: anyway, work.

**Dr. Bitch has deleted 12 messages**

**Dr. Bitch has added SnekBoi to the chatroom**

SnekBoi: You booted me to talk about animals?

Dr. Bitch: No, we were talking about our Christmas present ideas for you and ended up talking about animals.

SnekBoi: Fine.

SnekBoi: Also, you're across the hall at the nurse's station talking to Miss Esme, I can literally see you, Dice, you could just say that to my face.

Dr. Bitch: And yet you just texted me back instead of calling over to me.

SnekBoi: Touche.

SnekBoi: Anyway, back to looking at snakes.

shrexy: Oh yeah, Dee, you breed snakes?

SnekBoi: Well, it started out an accident, actually. Me and Inny moved our rooms around last year after brumation and we put a few of my snakes that could be temporarily cohabed in bins together for a few days so we could do it and quite a number of the snakes got gravid. Roman owns a couple of the amazon tree boas, actually.

SnekBoi: This year we got a new adult garter thinking it was a boy and we only found out it was a girl when we saw Inny's garter snake locked with her and, by then she had already mated so we're just waiting now. Plus we actually decided to see what happens with our sunbeams, only because we want to at least try with them to get babies since it's so hard to get them not wild-caught.

waaahluigi: Livia and Caius are very happy by the way.

shrexy: I now want a snake.

SnekBoi: You really want me and Inny to vet you?

shrexy: Sure?

SnekBoi: Dice, can I have visitors?

Dr. Bitch: I have said this like four times each time you're in here. Only if they wear a mask and so do you.

SnekBoi: Fine. Thomas, come here and wear a mask.

shrexy: Why?

SnekBoi: Because I'm going to vet you first while Inny's working to get it out of the way and I can't leave the hospital for another six days so get in here.

shrexy: I guess I'm going in my head again.

**2:40PM**

SnekBoi: Trial number one is over. He passed.

waaahluigi: How!? It took me like three tries!

SnekBoi: He knows a lot about snakes, what can I say?

Momgan: Can confirm, Thomas knows quite a bit about snakes since he wanted learn if your scales were indeed slimy and he happened to fall down a rabbit hole and got extremely interested in them.

shrexy: Stop exposing my late-night rabbit hole knowledge to others, Logan.

Momgan: We all live in your head, it literally does not matter.

SnekBoi: Second trial; Inny. Someone you don't even know. Good luck.

shrexy: Yeah, I'm making him trial three, I'm buying snake stuff for trial two.

SnekBoi: Using the stuff I recommended or something else?

shrexy: Stuff you recommended.

SnekBoi: Smart man.

**4:30PM**

Octopussy: hey, Dee, I went home for lunch and guess what happened?

SnekBoi: No way. Baby garters? Did Venus have her babies?

Octopussy: nope, neither. you remember how how we left Juno and Jupiter together earlier this year because we ran out of separators while we had to shift them from their quarantine bins to their enclosures?

SnekBoi: Tell me they didn't.

Octopussy: I think Juno's newly laid litter means they did.

SnekBoi: Well, it looks like unfortunately have baby rainbow boas.

spipples: I want one.

SnekBoi: You really want a snake? You've told us for years you didn't want to own them.

spipples: I was thinking of looking for a cute little noodle and Juno and Jupiter are just plain beautiful so their babies have to be pretty too.

SnekBoi: Reasonable, rainbow boas are pretty as hell.

Octopussy: do you even have an enclosure for a baby rainbow boa?

spipples: I already have an extra 20 gallon enclosure from getting Celeste. I got the wrong one. It was too small for Celeste so I ended up having a spare 20 gallon.

SnekBoi: Amazing, this one is the first one to already have both an enclosure and past snake experience with our babies.

spipples: Oh yeah, I've fed Minerva before.

SnekBoi: Do we even need to continue vetting him?

Octopussy: I still will, this is the first time Juno's had babies and I'm still counting.

SnekBoi: Jeez, how many are you at?

Octopussy: well, I'm doing it alone and I'm searching Juno's enclosure so I'm not even counting yet, I'm still cleaning. it has to be at least seven though.

SnekBoi: Good lord, Juno.

Octopussy: Juno cares not for your so called "lord", she will make any number of squirmy children she wants. and apparently that number was a lot. I'm already above ten.

SnekBoi: I believe it.

Octopussy: just look how pretty this bucket of large rainbowey worms are.

Octopussy: abakersdozenofrainbowboas.jpg

spipples: Wow, they're beautiful.

shrexy: Oh wow, they're so pretty!

waaahluigi: I would kill for them.

Coffee Bandit: I think they look very squirmy and cute. A+ work right there, Juno.

SnekBoi: Oh yeah, Virgil. Time for vetting. Come see me.

spipples: Wish me luck not to die.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Don't die, I'm not qualified to raise my nephews and niece.

spipples: Fair.

**7:45PM**

SnekBoi: I'm exhausted. I'm going to sleep again. Live on without me, you feeble simpletons.

spipples: Yeah sure, jackass.

SnekBoi: Love you too, bastard.

spipples: Fair.

**SnekBoi is offline**

spipples: Hey, Inny, can we talk alone?

Octopussy: Nu-uh. I just got home and I'll be incriminated. Witness.

spipples: Fine, Andy, come with me.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Fiiiiiiine.

**spipples, Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero),**

**and Octopussy are now offline**

shrexy: Should I be worried about them.

Dr. Bitch: Virgil seemed extremely worried about Deceit, which is seeable given Dee has declined in health quite a bit lately with his recurrence and he's not quite getting much better as of yet given he's stressing himself out more than he's helping himself get better.

shrexy: Isn't there a way to make him stop that?

Dr. Bitch: We're fortunately unfortunate that he's stubborn. His stubbornness has served well going through things like induction and maintenance but he's absolutely shit at consolidation.

shrexy: Do you think he'll be okay? He's just getting worse.

Dr. Bitch. Like I do with all my patients, I hope he'll get better but, right now, it doesn't seem like he will be unless something changes and he finally stops being so self-destructive.

shrexy: So, no?

Dr. Bitch: I don't think he will, but I don't think he'll die and he knows that. he's a part of you, he can't die, he'll just be in a lot of pain for a very long time and will likely go dormant.

shrexy: It's a relief he won't die but I don't want him to be in pain.

Dr. Bitch: Well, we don't really have a choice. We have the option of I either do my best and get him into remission again and hope it doesn't come back again or I give up on my favorite patient and let him drive himself into the ground again. And you have the option of living with him or rejecting him.

shrexy: I know.

Dr. Bitch: Now I need to work, I get to go home soon.

shrexy: Good luck, Dice!

Dr. Bitch: Yeah, yeah.

**Dr. Bitch is offline**

Momgan: I'm not surprised that I worked and this chat, yet again, is chaos.

Papa Bear: Yeah, it usually is chaotic while we aren't here, huh Lo?

Momgan: It is. Sometimes I'm shocked any of them have a single braincell between them.

Papa Bear: You're right! Our beloved braincell is at work, so they lose their minds.

waaahluigi: I resent that!

Momgan: We know you're chaotic because you miss us, Roman.

waaahluigi: No! I just get...

waaahluigi: ...bored stupid.

Momgan: Would you like to hug, Roman?

waaahluigi: Wait, you're offering to hug me? You? The robot?

Momgan: Well, given I am designated the group mother, I may as well give you motherly affection.

waaahluigi: I would kill to hug someone.

Momgan: Roman, are you touch starved?

waaahluigi: No! Of course not! I just like attention!

þiccness: He is. Mom refuses to admit it but he is touch starved quite frequently.

Momgan: I guess I'm staying with you then until you have had an adequate amount of touch.

waaahluigi: Hang on, gonna cry real quick because Lo's being so nice to me.

shrexy: Aw, bud! Cuddle pile on Roman time!

SwEeTvErUcA: You mean flop on my brother like he's a pancake and I'm butter? Great idea!

waaahluigi: Wait nonono!

uwu: Hey what was that bang?

waaahluigi: Ow.

uwu: Ah, two touch starved triplets. Makes sense. Carry on.

Momgan: Oh no, you're getting in on this too, Teal.

uwu: What god did I offend to be taken from doing my work like this?

Momgan: All of them.

uwu: Sounds about right, deal.


	9. Dealing With Intrusive Thots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts, general chaos, and Remy and Deceit are cute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andy: Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero)  
> Castor: schrodingersdumbass  
> Dayd: carniverousroomba  
> Dice: Dr. Bitch  
> Emile: Thera-pissed  
> Halley: aspermylastemail  
> Janus: SnekBoi  
> Logan: Momgan  
> October: eatpavementido  
> Orion: birdgeoisie  
> Patton: Papa Bear  
> Pollux: satantakemehome  
> Pryce: SwEeTvErUcA  
> Remus: Octopussy  
> Remy: Coffee Bandit  
> Roman: waaahluigi  
> Sirius: literalsunshine  
> Teal: uwu  
> Thomas: shrexy  
> Virgil: spipples  
> Vita: þiccness

**3:14AM**

satantakemehome: Hey, does anyone have any clue why there's nightmares galore? I was trying to sleep.

spipples: Kid, it's like 4am, go to sleep.

satantakemehome: Mother. Mother, I am Insomnia, mother. It doesn't work that way, mother.

spipples: Okay, okay, don't go all eldritch being on me, chill.

satantakemehome: Fix the Mind, mother. I crave the sleep, mother.

spipples: If you plan to be an eldritch being, go bother your uncle or visit auntie Dee in the hospital, I'm sure he'd love company in his misery up there.

SnekBoi: No. Tired.

satantakemehome: Uncle it is.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Hello Jeffrey, I am afraid.

spipples: Don't care. Got shit to deal with.

**5:38AM**

birdgeoisie: Hey mom, did you ever figure out what the overly murdery nightmares were about?

spipples: Yeah, it was Uncle Remus.

þiccness: FINALLY, I can say uncle bastard's name in the chatroom!

Octopussy: I fucking hate all of you.

Momgan: You popped up like a fucking goblin and whacked poor Roman in the head at four in the goddamned morning, how the fuck do you think we're going to react!?

schrodingersdumbass: Oh shit, Auntie Lo is going off on Uncle Remus.

uwu: I would give all my uwus to see this but I have to start getting ready for work sooooo

**uwu is now offline**

Coffee Bandit: Shiiiit, someone give him coffee stat!

literalsunshine: What do you think I'm trying do?

Coffee Bandit: Ah yes, the good child. All the rest are little punks and then we have this smol gem.

þiccness: I remember why I used to call you Uncle Asshat now.

Coffee Bandit: Thanks, kid.

þiccness: Not a compliment but alright.

Coffee Bandit: Everything is a compliment to me, kid.

þiccness: Alright edgelord.

**11:17AM**

spipples: It's a beautiful day out.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Almost as beautiful as your face.

spipples: You only say that because we have the same face.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Exactly, you're catching on.

spipples: I hate you.

Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero): Don't lie, little bro, it doesn't look good on you.

SnekBoi: Yeah, that's my job.

spipples: Fuck off, you've done enough damage to Thomas.' mind releasing Remus on us.

SnekBoi: I had nothing to do with that. I was at home resting off chemo still. I have a solid alibi. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to finish puking and see how bad my hair is because I know I saw some on my pillow.

Octopussy: goddammit not again!

SnekBoi: Well, sorry, I can't really control it, Ree. The chemo does what it wants.

shrexy: Are you okay?

SnekBoi: Probably. I mean, I'm just worried.

Coffee Bandit: Snakebabe, do you want me over?

SnekBoi: I'd love to see you, but I can't.

Coffee Bandit: What about outside in the garden six feet apart with masks on while we do light work taking care of your plants?

SnekBoi: Is this a date? It sounds like a date.

Coffee Bandit: Can be if you want it to be.

SnekBoi: So maybe 6:30 when it cools down so I'm not overheating myself?

Coffee Bandit: Sounds great, sugarbear.

SnekBoi: Yeah sounds great, Rem.

Coffee Bandit: See you there, lovely snek.

**SnekBoi is now offline**

waaahluigi: Remy's really out here saying 'I love you' while Dee's puking. Taking in sickness and in health a bit too seriously, huh, Rem?

Coffee Bandit: Oh absolutely, I mean, he's cute.

Octopussy: I hear screeching from Dee's room.

Octopussy: ah, nevermind, I read the backlog.

uwu: Remy's here to date cute snake men and nothing else will do.

**12:17 PM**

þiccness: Hey mom, can me and Halley spend the night out with Bella and Eve?

waaahluigi: Sure. Just make sure you four are careful and be home before 4am and make sure to call me if you need any help.

þiccness: Thanks, mom!

Thera-pissed: Oh, Ro, are you still coming over at 7 for dinner?

waaahluigi: Yeah, I'm just working off the headache still.

Octopussy: I regret nothing.

Thera-pissed: Alright, love, take your time. Remember, we can always just stay home and watch a movie while the kids are out.

waaahluigi: That actually sounds better than going out and hiking.

Thera-pissed: Then we'll stay in inside and watch a movie or two and have dinner there.

**3:14 PM**

SnekBoi: Hey, @Octopussy, can you help me up, I need to start getting ready for me and Remy's date?

**Octopussy is now online**

**Octopussy is now offline**

satantakemehome: Uncle Remus really said 'gotta go fast'

eatpavementido: remusthehedgehog.jpg

aspermylastemail: Remus is the only one of us ready to storm Area 51.

birdgeoisie: Remus about to clap some alien cheeks.

waaahluigi: You four remind me of a cult. The Cult of Remus.

aspermylastemail: We're just missing that hint of chaotic dumbass that is Castor.

eatpavementido: Don't tempt me, Roman.

waaahluigi: Or what?

eatpavementido: O̴̬̓r̴̨̠̹̾͋ ̴̦̃̆w̴̟̮̽͜ḛ̶͝ ̵̙̲͒́s̶͚͊a̵̦͚̓ͅc̴͙̤̆r̶̫̞i̴̱͉f̸̩͕̓͘i̸̛͇̟͌ͅc̷̨̢͗̈̿e̸̠̜̫̊ ̵̳̋̒y̷̞͓̩͒̓o̶͍̪̦̍ǘ̴̖̮̱̎͊ ̵̨̰͙̓̒͌ţ̸͉̜̂͂o̸̟̽̈n̸̪̤͂͌i̵͓͋̎͑g̶͎͒ḣ̵̤̤͂t̴̟̬͑̏.̸̪͆́

waaahluigi: Good Hera, fine! Just don't kill me! I have two kids to deal with and Remus and Pryce aren't trusted to raise them to not be heathens!

SwEeTvErUcA: Hey! But fair.

Octopussy: fair enough.

**6:45 PM**

Octopussy: in case anyone wanted a good wholesome update.

Octopussy: deceitandremyinthegarden.jpg

Octopussy: deceitandremysmilingateachother.jpg

Octopussy: deceitandremylaughing.jpg

shrexy: That is incredibly pure and wholesome, thank you for this PSA.

Octopussy: I know. It's good to see Dee be so happy around someone.

Coffee Bandit: I saw that, Remus.

Octopussy: parkourmeme.jpg

**Octopussy is now offline**

Coffee Bandit: Little shit.

Papa Bear: Go back to your date, kiddos! You're so cute together!

Coffee Bandit: Ah yes, everyone's supportive dad. You got it, Patt.

**Coffee Bandit is now offline**

spipples: Ah yes, the wholesome dad energy. It's hard to resist.

birdgeoisie: Ah yes, momther, I am hang out with Wyatt and Solace tonight. I'll be home like 9ish?

spipples: Have fun, Orion. Don't get them in trouble is all I ask, little crow.

birdgeoisie: I won't steal anymore street signs, Mom.

spipples: Or anything else that I would have to bail you out for.

birdgeoisie: Why not just take the fun out of life?

spipples: Ah yes, such a horrible mother not wanting to bail out my son. Have fun, little crow. If you three need anything text me or call me.

birdgeoisie: I will, Mom!

**birdgeoisie is now offline**

spipples: Two of five kids are out having fun, one is working and two are out doing their own shopping.

eatpavementido: Does this mean you want me over?

spipples: Yesssss. Fucking come cuddle me.

eatpavementido: gottagofast.jpg

spipples: Love my boyfriend.

eatpavementido: Love you too, chaotic little shit.


	10. Healthy Distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Healthy distractions, Auntie Logan vs Auntie Dee, and Virgil’s cuteness and cryptidness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andy: Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero)  
> Belladonna: hazelnut  
> Castor: schrodingersdumbass  
> Dayd: carniverousroomba  
> Dice: Dr. Bitch  
> Emile: Thera-pissed  
> Eve: wall-e  
> Halley: aspermylastemail  
> Janus: SnekBoi  
> Logan: Momgan  
> Noah: nope  
> October: eatpavementido  
> Orion: birdgeoisie  
> Patton: Papa Bear  
> Pollux: satantakemehome  
> Pryce: SwEeTvErUcA  
> Remus: Octopussy  
> Remy: Coffee Bandit  
> Roman: waaahluigi  
> Sirius: literalsunshine  
> Teal: uwu  
> Thomas: shrexy  
> Virgil: spipples  
> Vita: þiccness

**4:44 PM**

literalsunshine: Auntie Dee, we're coming over to visit. We're all wearing masks.

SnekBoi: Alright, your Uncle Remus is off tonight but he's busy in his room with god knows what so beware of that.

schrodingersdumbass: We come bearing food by the way.

SnekBoi: Ah, good bribe.

satantakemehome: It should be enough for a week and a movie night with Auntie Dee tonight.

SnekBoi: Auntie Dee is impressed.

SnekBoi: See that, Logan, I'm the cool Aunt.

Momgan: Not an accomplishment, I am, after all, essentially Grandma Logan to them as I'm their mother's maternal figure.

SnekBoi: Untrue, You're Auntie now because you're dating Remus, their Uncle.

Momgan: I've been demoted.

Momgan: ahfuckicantbelieveyouvedonethis.jpg

SnekBoi: Impressive, Aunt Logan.

Momgan: Hush, Aunt Dee.

SnekBoi: Why don't you make me?

Momgan: Because I'm a) not getting too close to you as I work with small, germy children that could potentially pose a threat to your health if I were to carry anything from them to you and b) we both have partners and neither of them would appreciate my way of shutting you up.

SnekBoi: Kinky. 

Octopussy: ah yes, my dream come true. my boyfriend and best friend flirting. what a glorious day.

Coffee Bandit: They act as if we couldn't just simply switch partners and love them just as much.

SnekBoi: Well then.

Momgan: Oh, alright.

SnekBoi: I mean, they're not wrong.

Momgan: I know, that's the scary yet funny part.

SnekBoi: Does this mean we're together now?

Momgan: Remus, Remy, fucking explain please.

Dr. Bitch: *sips tea*.jpg

Octopussy: *clears throat* ah yes, swingers.

Coffee Bandit: Little shit, polyamory.

Octopussy: makes sense.

**6:15 PM**

þiccness: oh look dad and auntie are finally together

þiccness: Sorry, Bella stole my phone.

 **þiccness has added wall-e, hazelnut** **, and nope to the group chat**

þiccness: I added because yeah.

wall-e: what, Vita?

þiccness: Our parents are here, Eve.

waaahluigi: Hey honey.

wall-e: Hi Mom.

literalsunshine: How dare you expose me like this, Vita Amelia Sanders? Inviting my boyfriend to this accursed place with my family and you unholy creatures.

þiccness: You know damn well I regret nothing, Sirius.

nope: Hi babe.

literalsunshine: I hate you Vita Amelia. Hi honey.

spipples: Kids, be nice.

shrexy: I can _feel_ the resounding "okay mom" good lord Virgil, you're like everyone's mom now that Logan's been demoted.

spipples: yes, yes I am.

aspermylastemail: All bow before Cult Leader Momther Virgil, tamer of teenagers.

**7:45 PM**

Papa Bear: Movie night! Everyone's invited! It's at Thomas', so we can all hang out in these stressful times!

SnekBoi: Can't leave, the teenagers have a hold on me like I'm their last piece of salvation and I'm not about to deny eleven some odd teens their aunt figure.

spipples: A simple 'no' would have sufficed.

SnekBoi: I need more flair than that.

Momgan: Doing great, honey.

SnekBoi: Thanks, love.

spipples: You two are nauseating levels of cute.

SnekBoi: Thanks? I think?

spipples: You're welcome.

**10:13 PM**

Momgan: Remus, as much as I'd love to say 'seeing each other nude is the most vulnerable form of affection and I appreciate you being vulnerable to me', I don't appreciate it being in front of everyone including your poor brother.

Octopussy: but I was told to wear pajamas! these are my pajamas!

waaahluigi: He's lying, he sleeps in a butterfly onesie.

Octopussy: he doesn't sleep in a Beast onesie! Roman sleeps in an octopus onesie!

waaahluigi: Exposed like this? By my own little brother? In front of everyone!? The nerve!

Octopussy: You love me.

waaahluigi: Maybe. As long as we can agree on one thing.

Octopussy: Virgil sleeps in a Stitch onesie with an Eeyore stuffed animal?

waaahluigi: I was going to say we still keep stuff that reminds us of each other but that works too.

spipples: ahfuckicantbelieveyouvedonethis.jpg

shrexy: That's adorable, Virgil.

spipples: And now I'm hiding away in my room and never coming out. So long, fuckers.

spipples: hoppingintothevoid.jpg

**spipples is now offline**

eatpavementido: He's fine. Just sulking like normal.

shrexy: Oh, good. Our local emo is just broody again.

shrexy: We love you no matter how soft you are, Virge.

**2:11 AM**

SnekBoi: @Coffee Bandit, come over?

Coffee Bandit: Is there sleep involved? Sweetcheeks, it's like 2 in the morning, you need your sleep.

SnekBoi: Nightmare, need someone with me and Remus is too hard to wake up.

Coffee Bandit: Of course, snugglebug, I'll be right over.

**SnekBoi and Coffeee Bandit are now offline**

uwu: What a devoted boyfriend. That's so pure. God, you two are the purest couple.

carniverousroomba: Babe, please, go to sleep. Liam, Noah, and Fiona are all already sleeping and you have work tomorrow morning.

uwu: I love you and your cuddly tempting.

carniverousroomba: If you love me, cuddle me and sleep.

uwu: Fiiiiiiine.

**uwu and carniverousroomba are now offline**

shrexy: Angel is following me around again.

spipples: Go to sleep then, you cretin.

shrexy: But I'm hungry!

spipples: Bedtime.

shrexy: But hungry.

spipples: Don't make me summon myself to make you sleep.

shrexy: After this snack, I'll sleep.

**spipples is now offline**

shrexy: Oh god, there's a demon in my kitchen.

shrexy: ohnoitsmoving.jpg

shrexy: ohshitangelnodontgothatway.jpg

shrexy: sendhelpitschasingme.jpg

shrexy: virgilandangellayingonme.jpg

**shrexy is now offline**

waaahluigi: Virgil is like a local cryptid, I swear it.

eatpavementido: He _is_ a local cryptid, Roman.

waaahluigi: At least he's not threatening everyone with his cryptidness.

waaahluigi: Yet.


	11. Putting Others First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit's hair, Putting Others First, and poly cuddle piles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andy: Raccoon Man (the trashiest hero)  
> Belladonna: hazelnut  
> Castor: schrodingersdumbass  
> Dayd: carniverousroomba  
> Dice: Dr. Bitch  
> Emile: Thera-pissed  
> Eve: wall-e  
> Halley: aspermylastemail  
> Janus: SnekBoi  
> Logan: Momgan  
> Noah: nope  
> October: eatpavementido  
> Orion: birdgeoisie  
> Patton: Papa Bear  
> Pollux: satantakemehome  
> Pryce: SwEeTvErUcA  
> Remus: Octopussy  
> Remy: Coffee Bandit  
> Roman: waaahluigi  
> Sirius: literalsunshine  
> Teal: uwu  
> Thomas: shrexy  
> Virgil: spipples  
> Vita: þiccness

**8:34 AM**

SnekBoi: Remus, come to me room. Right now.

**Octopussy is now online**

**Octopussy is now offline**

Momgan: What happened, darling?

SnekBoi: My hair again.

Coffee Bandit: It's just hair, babe. 

SnekBoi: I know but this means it'll be an even longer time before I can feel normal again.

Coffee Bandit: Normal's overrated, babe. Let's be weird together.

SnekBoi: Remus get the clippers.

spipples: Wait you're not going to

SnekBoi: I can control this. This is the one thing I can control this time.

Octopussy: I'm keeping it, emo, don't worry.

spipples: This doesn't worry me any less.

**9:04 AM**

Octopussy: twinsies.jpg

Momgan: So you shaved your head with him?

Octopussy: yup! I did this last time too and so DeeDee didn't have to be bald alone.

Momgan: Even the white?

Octopussy: well, it'll all grow back white anyway so why not.

Momgan: As long as you both are happy with it.

Octopussy: Dee's not happy about it, he loves his hair, but this is better for him than slowly losing hair every night.

Octopussy: plus now he gets to rock his old wigs without maybe pulling out hair.

Coffee Bandit: Yup, both of 'em still look cute.

**12:12 PM**

Octopussy: @SnekBoi sugarbutt, I'm going on a quest with Virgie-poo. if you need anything, Logan is off today and Remy's off too.

spipples: I'm unwilling please help me.

SnekBoi: Have fun you two. I'll be fine. I'm even starting to feel better.

Octopussy: that's good, honey. I love you! I'll see you tonight, promise!

**Octopussy and spipples are now offline**

**5:20 PM**

Momgan: Be careful. Please.

SnekBoi: I am. I'm fine.

Thera-pissed: I have a feeling I'm going to have several mental health appointments scheduled this week.

Coffee Bandit: You probably will, yeah.

Thera-pissed: Not surprising. Usually I get to schedule more appointments after these big discussion talks.

**6:14 PM**

SnekBoi: I guess I'm now known by name.

shexy: And I couldn't be prouder to have you onboard, Janus.

Momgan: Were you non-strenuous on your body?

SnekBoi: I'm considerably drained but I'm lying down so I shouldn't have any fall risk right now. Boogeyman is guarding me very well and retrieving anything I need but I'm probably just going to go to sleep.

Coffee Bandit: Please be careful with yourself, babykins.

SnekBoi: I'm careful, just tired and achey. I'll sleep and then I'll feel better, promise.

Momgan: Get some sleep, dear.

Coffee Bandit: I'll come over and stay with you if you can't sleep alone.

Momgan: If I may, I'd like to extend the offer to myself as well.

SnekBoi: Get over here then, you nerdy puffballs.

**Momgan and Coffee Bandit are now offline**

SnekBoi: Ah yes, to have two of three boyfriends smother me into oblivion. I can't wait.

**6:30 PM**

SwEeTvErUcA: Will someone explain why my little brother refuses to leave his room?

Thera-pissed: He and I have made an agreement that he not interact with others until his scheduled therapy session tomorrow morning. After then, he's all yours unless something has gone wrong with his stress levels and he happens to endanger his health.

SwEeTvErUcA: Cryptic, why's my brother's boyfriend being so cryptic? What are you two hiding from everyone?

Thera-pissed: Because I, despite being your brother's boyfriend, will be completely professional when it comes to his mental health and me and my patient have a strict contract of what others outside of the sessions can and cannot know, his current status, the one I believe you're questioning my knowledge of, being one of them.

SwEeTvErUcA: This answers none of my questions but fair enough.

SwEeTvErUcA: Hey, at the appointment, make sure you tell the little bastard I love him.

Thera-pissed: Of course.

**9:45 PM**

spipples: Wow, I leave for like 9 hours. The fuck, guys?

literalsunshine: Alright, so Auntie Jan and Auntie Roman are mad at each other, Grandpa Patton is happy but not about either of them, he's happy about Thomas. Auntie Jan finally got Thomas to trust him and Roman seemed really sad so I think Thomas is mad at him or something.

spipples: I have the urge to hit my head into a wall again.

literalsunshine: Mom, please don't.

spipples: I know.

literalsunshine: Take a shower, we can watch a movie together in your room.

spipples: Done deal.

**spipples is now offline**

**11:55 PM**

nope: so I guess we're not telling him tonight.

literalsunshine: not after this morning.

nope: I'm sure it's not his, though, Siri.

literalsunshine: And I'm sure it is, Noah.

þiccness: Can you two not be cryptic? Everyone is so cryptic today.

literalsunshine: No.

nope: absolutely not.

þiccness: I hate you both.

literalsunshine: Anyway, we can wait a bit longer to tell him, anyway. Or I guess, I'd like to wait just a bit longer.

nope: I guess it couldn't hurt to wait a little longer. Just know that mine are getting suspicious so we might want to figure it out soon.

literalsunshine: I know, it's just yours has less drama than mine, Noah.

nope: I know, babe. Want me to come cuddle?

literalsunshine: Please.

hazelnut: I can't wait until everyone in here is honest with each other.

shrexy: Says the one I only know by username.

hazelnut: Oh easy, Belladonna Hazel Sanders, my mother and father are functions of yours. You don't know me because the only adults that know of my existence besides my school in this big ol' brain box of yours is my two Aunties and my new step-dads.

shrexy: Well, hello, Belladonna. 

hazelnut: I like Bela, by the way.

shrexy: Bela.

shrexy: Bela, by chance are your mother and father Remus and Janus?

hazelnut: Oh hey, first time, right guess. Never had that happen before. Everyone always switches me and Vita's parents because we both act a lot like each other's parent.

shrexy: Soooo yeah?

hazelnut: Yep. Remus is my dad and Janus is my mom.

shrexy: I thought Janus said he and Remus were never romantic before?

hazelnut: I do not control whose womb I arose from, Thommy, all I know is that's the one that housed me for like seven months. Also, he never said anything about being together in the past.

shrexy: Bela, it's nine months.

hazelnut: Nah, mom got sick while pregnant so he had me early so he could start chemo.

shrexy: Ah, makes sense.

hazelnut: Oh yeah, look how cute they are.

hazelnut: polyamorouscuddlepile.jpg

shrexy: Awwww. Like a box of kittens.

hazelnut: I'm just glad they're happy. Mom and Dad are emotionally constipated idiots who couldn't figure out for 14 years how to confess that they like each other as more than just friends-with-benefits.

shrexy: You know what? I believe it.

spipples: Ah yes, the specific brand of chaotic dumbass that is Remus and Janus is unrivalled by any other besides possibly Vita.


End file.
